Here I am fulfilling my most desired wish which I had been craving to do since 365 days from now, be home feel every bit of my past and indeed I did but why am i feeling sad? Shouldn't I be the happiest person alive right now with my family around me and me being pampered to the maximum. To be true I don't know myself why I am feeling sad or may be I know but I just don't want to confront the truth. It again zeros down to facing your weaknesses which probably I should accept that I can never ever do until left with no other choice. I wish I was strong enough to fight it just when I saw the weaknesses instead of waiting till the last minute. Understanding the irony of life I don't know how to react to it, there I was waiting to step my foot in India and now I want to go back this very minute. When I think of the day i would leave India I feel that I merely have 4 more weeks to spend with mum dad. With this i would like to end here and continue the struggle to make decisions in life like always.

P.S. I am missing my Ozi family( Mel, Frez, Saju, Sanya) real bad. :(

a lot like love.. <3

Those night outs
Those smiles
Those hugs, those sighs
Those never ending kisses on my every cry
I crave every moment to be with you
To get that shiver with the slightest touch of you
Why does it feel a new beginning each day?
Why do I feel no happiness beyond those eyes?
I want to be possessed by my lover that’s the eternal wish I always cry!
All I desire is u forever and never ever those grumpy good byes!!

ePiToMe oF jOy.

Against the myths I was going.
I knew it was coming.
I craved the pain, I wanted the hurt just like never.
INSTEAD I was faced to joy.

Definitely not what I asked from thy, I was shocked and surprised।
To see what more beneath lies, I accepted the smile and used on every mile.
Then were the tears in the eye,
The memories of which had vanished from my thoughts.
I was crumpled to see me in knots.
This was what I wished long ago,
And I realised the smiles had to go.
The pain and more pain from then
And got the sigh
Since time I realised in sorrow lies the epitome of joy.

PARENTS - THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BEINGS NOT JUST FOR ME BUT FOR YOU TOO..

Here I am a year and half old in Australia and still unknown to what I had come here for. I had come here to discover myself. However I just feel everything got more complicated. have you ever been real scared of something? I have I am scared to accept my weaknesses. I hate to accept that I am lazy , I hate to even work on it. I hate to accept that I don't want to work or study, though I wouldn't compromise to stay poor. I hate to accept that I have stage fear. I love talking to strangers but I can't give a speech to a crowd. I hate to accept that I even lack self confidence at times. It wouldn't be fair to my life if I said living in Australia was a piece of cake because there were times when I wanted to tear apart myself and there were times when I wanted to kill every person who had hurt me. I am a completely different person now and I am so thankful to my parents for this. It wasn't Australia which changed me but my parents. I could have been the same different sitting in Bhatinda probably. Its the distance from mum and dad that make me realize how precious each moment spent with them is. It is the memories I have with me of them. Some of the memories which I think quite often are the ones of recent years spent together. Though I wouldn't have categorized them as the good times if someone would have asked me then. Life it is, isn't it ? Well so coming back to the memories. I often cry when I think of the days when my dad and Fluffy(my dog) used to drop me in the car to my bus stop every morning even though it must have been just 100 meters from my place. I also cherish the memory of eating ice creams with mum dad from this special parlor which took us 15 minutes by car to get to. I remember mum cooking snacks in the evening and them praising how good I was at cooking soup even though the task was just boiling the powdered stuff in water. I wish I had loved them then. Only now I realize how much happier I would have been if I loved them, also with no regrets of hating them. One special memory goes back to I guess when I must have been just in grade V or VI when my parents took me to this market that was miles away just because the local market was closed and I had to wear something new for my birthday next week. Every time I stop myself from buying something makes me realize I was so fortunate to have them because the word budgeting had never been said in my house. I got what I wanted even when I would have possessed thirty others of the same kind. My friends over here envy me for having such parents and I love to be felt so lucky, so special. However no one knows the guilt I carry with me. No one must have been fortunate but unfortunate at the same time like me. No one would have been foolish enough not to realize their worth. My parents are my Gods. Every bit of me is convinced with the fact that whatever they do is for our own good. With this I would like to end here and would request all the people who come across this blog that DON'T FALL IN THE PIT I FELL IN. THE GUILT OF HATING THEM KILLS YOU EACH DAY.

I LOVE U MA, PA AND DI..
( THIS POST IS FOR MY FAMILY)

THE DILEMMA OF MY LIFE

Hey
Been real long since I last wrote here. Anyways right now I am going through one of those moments when I want a listner infact a stranger who knows nothing about me so that when he is finished listening he can not form any prejuidice regarding anything I wish to say rather scream my intestines out.
I am going through the most weird phases which I never ever thought would come up in MY life. I am in a dilemma about my relegion, my culture, my country which mean may be not the MOST but surely SOMETHING to me. To be more clear. I am in love with a guy who is a muslim and for whom his relegion is the MOST to him. " If I had to shoot myself for ISLAM I would" thats what he said to me when I asked him what did it mean to him and I am one of those few who has never been serious about relegion. I am not saying God doesn't exist just that I have been a believer of that one force thats within me and evryone else. I respect all relegions and so does he however getting related to any of the other relegion except ISLAM is not acceptable to him because according to him the Almighty ain't noone but ALLAh..
He is against Idol worship which makes him ANTI- hinduisn. I do idol worship too. " I can't marry you just because you are a hindu, if you were a Christian or a Jew I wouldn't have given anything a single thought and married you. " Should I still be puttng up with him? Is this reason enough to leave a guy who I know is the best gem out there, who loves me like noone in the world?? I till date go numb when I think of the day when he'll come and say to me," THIS IS IT.. THIS I WHERE WE PART.. "
Let me also mention he wouldn't even accept it if I converted to ISLAM just to be with him forever, this is something he made clear on day one. And now what do I do? If I am accepting his relegion, why shoudln't he? Is relegion the reason for two people being together? or the reason to rip apart our own lives?
I AM SURE GOD WON'T KILL ME FOR LOVING A MUSLIM.. then why does he think he would be doing something wrong by marrying a Hindu.. For this one time I so wish I could get Allah on earth to tell him if QURAN said idol worship IS wrong or anything against hinduism it doesn't mean a MUSLIM can't marry a HINDU.
If they can be in love then why not in a full fledged , leagally approved, socially accepted bond? I wish all these questions were answered by Allah instead of the bloggers and the friends around me.
I know there are decades for my marriage but what if it was NOW.
Then?
Would it have been an end of a beautifully nourished relationship?
I know noone would answer me and it'll come to an end some day.
THIS IS IT would end a whole life in my life.

Chitrangada Anand